Always and Forever
by Baby Doll Buffy
Summary: Set during Nightmares, season 1. What if Buffy's vampirism wasn't just her nightmare?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Always and Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it all belongs to Joss (he is evil but he is a god nonetheless), the WB, Fox, and Mutant Enemy (Grrr Arrrg). Please don't sue, I have no money, so all you'd get is a creepy cat...

*~*~*

Chapter 1

"God, I thought I was dead," Buffy muttered as she brushed off her clothes. She raised her eyes to meet those of her Watcher and two best friends. They were looking at her very strangely, and Willow was trembling. "What?" Buffy asked. "What's with the long faces?"

"Buffy, you...you're a-" Giles couldn't finish his sentence. A blood-chilling fear passed through Buffy's body at his words.

Oh, God, she thought. A vampire? Is that what I am?

Trembling violently, she raised her hands to her face, and gasped when her hands touched flesh disoriented by deep ridges. She lowered her hands to her mouth, and felt the new addition to her teeth – sharp, pointy fangs.

Oh, no, Buffy thought. Just like my nightmare... Shaking with fear and disgust – disgust of what she had become – Buffy turned her back on them so they wouldn't have to look at her.

"No," Willow sobbed. "No, she can't be..."

Buffy turned back to them. "No, Willow, don't," she cried. "It's not like that. I'm not like the rest of them. I feel like...I don't feel like I need to kill a human." She shuddered. "I couldn't do that. Kill another human? The thought terrifies me. I'm not a killer. I have a soul; I can feel it." 

Giles and Xander reached forward and they each took one of Buffy's arms as she swayed as if she were going to fall over.

"You have a soul?" Giles asked. "You're still on our side?"

"Of course," Buffy said. "Must have something to do with me being a Slayer or something. But even though I'm still playing for this team, I'm still dead. Undead. Dead. Whatever. I'm still just like the rest of them."

Oh, God, came a little voice in her head. Is this what Angel goes through? It must be. This is what he must feel every day of his life.

"Buffy, we found out who is causing all this havoc," Giles told her. "There's a little boy, Billy Palmer, in coma in hospital. He's the one causing all our nightmares to come true." He cleared his throat a little. "You – uh – you never told me you dreamed of becoming a vampire."

Shaking slightly, Buffy turned to him. "I didn't," she replied. "This is real."

An uncomfortable silence settles over the group until Buffy roused herself. "Right," she said with a smile full of pain. "Let's go see this kid."

*~*~*

Well this chapter is kind of a trial to see how many reviews I get. So if you want to read more, let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Always and Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it all belongs to Joss (he is evil but he is a god nonetheless), the WB, Fox, and Mutant Enemy (Grrr Arrrg). Please don't sue, I have no money, so all you'd get is a creepy cat...

*~*~*

Chapter 2

"Well, that was hopeless," Xander said cheerfully as he jumped on top of the library table and sat down, resting his feet in the nearest chair. Little Billy Palmer was deep in a coma, unable to be awakened. The nurse hadn't let them stay very long, as visiting hours finished. 

Willow followed suit and sat at the table, while Giles disappeared into the cage to get some more books for research. Buffy walked slowly through the door, the floor her main focus of attention. She listlessly sat atop the library counter, her eyes downcast. Dawn was fast approaching, so it looked as if she'd be spending the day in the library, avoiding the sun. What fun.

Giles reemerged and dumped a pile of books on the table. "Well, here we are, I want you to try and find out everything you can about making nightmares come true. Buffy-" he turned to his Slayer to see her curled up in a ball on the counter, a sad, blank look in her eyes. She was staring at the cross Angel had given her the first day they met, however it was clearly causing her enormous pain. It was as if she were staring at it to convince herself that this was what she was now. She reminisced the day Angel had given it to her. After she'd knocked him flat on his back in an alleyway, he'd tossed it to her in a box, unable to touch it himself. It later saved her from Luke, and from a number of other vampires. But now, instead of protection, it was against her.

"Buffy," Giles tried again. She finally glanced up at him. "You know this is not your fault," he said. "You can't help what is happening."

Buffy merely shook her head. "But it **is** my fault, Giles. If I hadn't dreamed it, it never would have happened, and I would have been able to go out in daylight and stop this thing. But I can't."

Giles sighed. "Buffy, you can't control what you dream. No one can."

"So what?" Buffy asked. "Whoever you blame, it doesn't change anything. I am still a vampire, Giles. Now nothing can change that, remember? I'm gonna live forever, and shy away from sunlight for the rest of my life, while you guys grow up and fulfill your dreams..." Buffy was in tears now.

"Oh, Buffy..." Willow hurried over to her friend and tried to wrap her in a hug, but Buffy jumped away.

"Don't touch me!" Buffy screamed, hysterical. "How can you even stand to be near me, knowing what I've become?"

With that she turned and rushed up the stairs to the stacks, collapsing next to a bookshelf. Her sobs carried down to the others.

Xander sighed. "This is hopeless," he murmured. "There's no way we can get through to her like this. There's only one person who can help her, and I think we all know who it is."

Willow and Giles raised their gazes to him. "Angel?" Willow asked.

Xander nodded. "He would know what she's going through. Besides..." Xander struggled over the words. "Buffy loves him. He may be her only hope."

"But how do we find him?" Willow asked. "I don't know where he lives. And the sun will be up soon."

"Not that soon," Xander said. "I'd say we still have a half hour. Long enough."

"And where does he live?" Giles stated.

Xander smirked, and flipped open the cover of Buffy's notebook, which had been abandoned on the library table a few days ago. Penciled in to the front page was Angel's address.

"I'll go," Xander said. "I'll try and be back before sunrise. Don't let Buffy leave."

"We won't," Willow promised, watching as Xander strode out of the library.

*~*~*

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Always and Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it all belongs to Joss (he is evil but he is a god nonetheless), the WB, Fox, and Mutant Enemy (Grrr Arrrg). Please don't sue, I have no money, so all you'd get is a creepy cat...

*~*~*

Chapter 3

When Buffy had finally stopped crying, it was almost a half-hour since Xander had left, unknown to her, to get Angel. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were stained with tears. She didn't look happy.

Willow glanced up from the computer she was researching on and saw her friend descending the stairs. "Oh, hey, Buffy!" she called, trying to sound bright.

Buffy shivered a little, wrapping her arms around herself. "Hey. Whatcha doing?"

"Oh, research," Willow said. "Laura O'Brien was admitted to hospital a little while ago. She was badly beaten, and I visited her the other day. She told me she'd gone down to the basement to smoke, and some guy suddenly appeared out of the shadows and pummeled her. She told me he said 'lucky nineteen', before he knocked her out."

"Lucky nineteen?" Buffy asked in confusion.

"Yeah," Willow said. "I've been surfing the Net for a while, but the only connection I can make between lucky nineteen and Billy Palmer is Little League. You know, number nineteen?"

"Was Billy number nineteen?"

"Yeah, he sure was," Willow said. "Now if I could just-"

She was interrupted by the library door banging open and Xander and Angel striding in. Giles came out of his office at the arrival, and Willow stood abruptly, almost knocking her chair over. Buffy took one look at Angel and turned the other way, moving up to the stacks. 

"Hey," Xander greeted Willow and Giles. "So, uh, I didn't exactly tell Angel what was going on, I thought Buffy should tell him herself."

"Uh, yes, that's...uh...very thoughtful of you, yes," Giles murmured. "So, then, Buffy-" he turned to where Buffy had been standing and was faced with an empty space. He hadn't seen her retreat to the stacks, but Angel had. His every fiber, every being was focussed on her. Xander had told him something was wrong, but he hadn't said what, and Angel was desperate to find out.

He moved slowly to the stairs and climbed them, keeping his eyes trained on Buffy the entire time. The three below him stood silently, trying not to make it completely obvious that they were eavesdropping. Angel moved in and out of the bookshelves until he found Buffy, standing in the corner, looking extremely upset. She shivered a little when she saw him, a little afraid, a little lusty, and a lot ashamed.

"Buffy," he greeted her in that honey-toned voice of his.

"Angel," she sniffled, tears building in the corners of her eyes.

Angel moved closer until he was standing right in front of her, reaching out and taking her hand.

"Angel, I...I'm not..." Buffy couldn't get the words out. She tried again. "Angel, I've...changed...and..."

"Shhh, it's okay," he whispered, collecting her up into a big hug. "It's okay, Buffy." She melted into his arms, crying softly against his chest. They slipped to the floor, and he held her, leaning against the wall, until she cried until she had no tears left. When she was all cried out, Angel pulled her back so he could look at her.

"Buffy, I know," he whispered to her. "I understand. I could sense it from the beginning. I know you're a vampire, baby." She sniffled, and settled against his chest again. She liked it there.

"How did you know?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Vampires just have a sixth sense for the undead, I guess. I knew you weren't human anymore the second I walked in the door."

"You did?" she asked in a tiny voice.

He nodded. "But, uh, I didn't know why?"

She sighed. "Long story," she muttered. "But here's the short version. There's a little kid in a coma at Sunnydale General Hospital, and until he comes out of it, everyone's worst nightmares are coming true. Xander was chased by a clown, Willow was forced to sing in front of an audience, Giles couldn't read, and I...well, I became a vampire."

"You dreamed of becoming a vampire?" he asked her softly.

She nodded. "I told Giles that I didn't; that it was real. I thought it was at first. But now that I think about it, I remember I did have the dream about a year ago, when I first found out I was the Slayer."

"What do you feel now?" Angel asked.

"Now?" Buffy replied. "Um, I feel very strong, a little tired, uh, and, um...I feel...uh...well..."

"Hungry?" Angel murmured.

Buffy blushed, embarrassed. "Yeah, okay, I'm hungry. But not for blood. Ew, no way, I'm not doing it!"

"Okay, okay!" Angel laughed a little. "Settle down. No one's going to make you. But if you eat food, it won't do anything, you know. You'll still be hungry. And you know what happens to vampires who don't eat?"

"Do I really want to?"

"They literally become a walking skeleton," Angel told her. "Their flesh comes off, and their bones keep walking around without it."

Despite the circumstances, Buffy had to giggle at the thought of a pile of bones walking around. "But Angel, that won't happen for a while, right? I mean, I'm sure we can come up with an alternative."

Angel's eyes flashed as he got an idea. "I'm sure we can," he replied.

Taking her hand, he pulled her to her feet and they walked down the stairs to the ground level, where Giles, Willow, and Xander were all trying to look busy, and not like they'd been trying to listen to a conversation for the past ten minutes.

"Hey guys, any luck with the research?" Buffy asked as she walked up behind Willow and looked over her shoulder at the Internet articles she was pulling up. She seemed a lot happier than before Angel was there.

"Nothing yet, Buffy," Willow gave her friend a smile. "But I'm sure we'll find something soon. And I'm going to start looking for a way to wake up Billy, so all the nightmares will stop and you'll be human again."

"Great," Buffy said, hugging her arms to her chest. Angel had sat down at the table, and Buffy walked over to join him, lowering herself into his lap. Willow and Giles exchanged a look at the newfound closeness between them, while Xander just gaped and fumed inwardly. Buffy intertwined her fingers with Angel and snuggled closer to his chest, feeling linked to him in some way, now that they were both vampires.

"Well, as much as I hate to ruin this Kodak moment," Xander interrupted, hopping off the counter and walking towards Buffy and Angel. "You two should know that the sun rose a good ten minutes ago, and soon it'll be high enough to shine in here, so I suggest you find shelter unless you want to fit in an ashtray."

Buffy glared at him. "Thank you, Xander, I'm sure your advice will be put to good use," she replied with a hint of sarcasm. She turned to the librarian. "Giles, what are we going to do?"

"Hmmm?" Giles roused himself from his books. "Oh, um, well, I suppose...I...I don't..."

"There's a sewer access," Angel cut in. "It leads to my apartment. We can get there without catching a ray of sun."

"Sounds good," Buffy replied. She looked at each of the humans in turn. "Well, I guess we'll be catching you guys later." She gave a little wave, then turned and followed Angel out through the stacks.

*~*~*

TBC!


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Always and Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it all belongs to Joss (he is evil but he is a god nonetheless), the WB, Fox, and Mutant Enemy (Grrr Arrrg). Please don't sue, I have no money, so all you'd get is a creepy cat...

*~*~*

Chapter 4

Angel pushed open the trapdoor, hearing it clatter as it hit the floor. He and Buffy climbed up the ladder from the tunnel into Angel's sunproofed apartment. Angel turned back to close the trapdoor. Buffy stood in the living room, looking at him.

"Are you tired?" he asked her.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. A little," she replied weakly. She seemed to be lacking energy, all her limbs hanging weakly. She did feel tired, but more drained out.

Angel gave her a suspicious look. "Buffy, tell me the truth. Are you hungry?"

Buffy instantly averted her gaze, focusing on the fireplace. But she couldn't deny it any longer. Images of her skeleton flashed before her eyes, and she knew she was hungry. But...blood. Ew. There was no way she was drinking blood.

"I'm fine," she firmly answered.

Angel didn't believe her. He could tell she was weak, something that could only be cured by feeding. He knew she would react this way to drinking blood, but he had an idea. Stepping closer to her, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him. Not giving her a chance to react, he planted his mouth firmly on hers and kissed her more passionately than she thought able. She gave a little squeak of surprise, tensing at first, then relaxing into the sensation. His tongue pushed at her lips, and she opened her mouth for him, allowing his tongue to enter her mouth. His tongue traced all her teeth, gums, and ridges, dueling with hers as they both clashed together. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, tracing it's curve erotically as his fangs lengthened. He pierced her bottom lip with one of his fangs, just deep enough to draw blood. The blood seeped into Buffy's mouth, and she whimpered, loving and hating the taste. 

"Angel..." she whispered against his lips. He could tell that wasn't enough for her to be overcome, and his hands swept up under her jacket, rubbing her back through her cotton shirt. He needed her to be in a frenzy, so overcome by emotions she would only follow her instincts. His hands slipped under her shirt so he was running his hands over her bare back. Buffy moaned as she felt moisture between her legs. She was just a virgin, and this was a lot for her to handle. Then, as Angel's hands began to move around to her front, she knew she wouldn't be able to take much more. His fingers rubbed her nipple through her lacy bra, and Buffy gasped, the sound lost in his mouth. Suddenly Angel's other hand changed direction, running down her side and thigh until he reached the hemline of her skirt.

Oh, god, not there, is he trying to kill me? Buffy's thoughts were fast becoming incoherent.

Angel pressed his extremely talented fingers against her damp panties, and Buffy cried out in desire. Then, all of a sudden his hand was inside her panties, rubbing her slick folds while the other had ripped her bra away and was fondling her nipples. Buffy was in a state of desperation. She could feel the knot forming deep in her womb, and knew she wouldn't be able to take much more. She didn't know why Angel had suddenly started this, but she knew she didn't want him to stop. It felt too damn good.

As she began to come, she felt her boyfriend's lips pull back from hers. She uttered a small moan of protest, but couldn't do anything more. She felt her gameface emerge as she came, unable to control it. Smiling with satisfaction, Angel took her head in his hands and pressed her mouth against his neck. Buffy's instincts took over and she involuntarily buried her fangs in his neck. Her entire body shook as the first drop of his luscious blood hit her tongue. She sucked greedily for the entire duration of her orgasm, finally calming down and drawing back from his neck. Only then did she realise what she'd done.

"Oh, god!" she cried, covering her mouth with her hand. She was disgraced, disgusted, but it had been so good...

Angel quickly grabbed her arm before she could bolt. "Buffy, stop," he commanded gently. "Calm down. You can't keep doing this. You are a vampire, and you need to drink blood. That's just the way it is."

Buffy uncovered her tear-stained face and looked deep into Angel's eyes. "Is that the only reason you did that?" she managed to choke out. Anger replaced the fear in her eyes. "So I would feed? What, am I just some object you know how to get off? That you just take advantage of so I'll do what you want me to do?" In a blind rage, she jumped to her feet and made a dash for the door. Angel immediately rose and chased her, grabbing her arm seconds before she wrenched open the door. He roughly pulled her away and spun her around to face him. His right hand clutched her wrist, and his left twisted her arm around her back, holding her in a completely submissive position.

"Buffy, no!" he cried. "That's not how it is! I love you! I've loved you ever since the first goddamn day I saw you! I did that, I made you come not just so you would feed, but because I wanted to!" He broke off, realising he may have said too much. Buffy appeared calmer now, more trusting, but she was still crying and very vulnerable. She looked up at Angel.

"You love me?" her voice came out shaky.

Angel relaxed slightly then, and smiled. "More than life itself," he confessed. "You light up my life, Buffy, and I love you. Always have, always will."

A single tear tickled down her cheek. "How can you still love me like this?" she murmured.

His eyes filled with trust and love. That alone proved to her how much he loved her. But she needed to hear him say it. "Because," he answered. "Buffy Anne Summers, no matter what you are, or what you look like, I will love you because of who you are."

She sniffled, a huge smile breaking out on her face. She had heard the words she had been aching to hear for so long, and they were beautiful. Her lips met his in the deepest, most meaningful kiss they had ever shared. "I love you, too," she whispered against his lips. "You're my vampire."

He chuckled a little, and wrapped his arms around her. "Always."

*~*~*

TBC!


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